THE FANTASTIC ADVENTURES OF DAMNED GUY

ADVENTURE ONE - THE MAKING OF DAMNED GUY

One night Normal Guy is lying in his bed when he is abducted by Aliens. So taken by his new interdimensional buddies Normal Guy invites them to a big party on Earth believing in his heart of hearts that this would be a fun idea. To normal guys amazement they accept and give him the plans for a big party, sending him out into the world on a secret mission. This is going to be a blast thinks Normal Guy, little does he know.

All is going well and Normal Guys party is looking to be a very big and quite splendid affair that will change the future of Mankind. It Starts to get complicated when Normal Guy realises that most of the good music seems to be provided by the Devil. Not thinking this to be a particularly huge and insurmountable problem Normal Guy continues trying to organise the party of the millennium.

Gradually as the Party organisation progresses it becomes clear that normal guy has infact invited God to a party at which most of the entertainment is provided by the Devil. This is not a huge and insurmountable problem thinks Normal Guy and so he continues.

Everything is going great until Normal guy realises that for some reason he cannot work out his new buddies are planning to crash the party with a huge army of laser wielding super light warriors to cause general mayhem and take over the Earth. There was definitely nothing on the invite about that thinks Normal Guy.

But its getting worse, the Devil going immediately into paranoid defensive mode has set about preparing his armies of phosphorous breathing scorpions and the like, this party is looking to be a blast indeed thinks Normal Guy. Judging this not to be a huge and insurmountable problem Normal Guy continues, even though God has withdrawn all the money and the Devil has withdrawn all the entertainment in a something resembling a Divine huff.

Normal Guy is clearly getting out of his depth as a whole bunch of other Interdimensional Aliens begin to arrive and start to form defensive and offensive alliances with God and the Devil, preparing for a terrible battle and the re-enslavement of mankind, who dont seem to have much of a say in the matter of their own destiny. Before Normal Guy realises what is going on the Armies of the Entire Universe have arrived at Earth's doorstep all waiting to get a piece of the Earth and to see how many humans they can enslave.

The Heat begins to raise and things are beginning to look like one of those apocalypse any second now situations that you get at the start of every party. Clearly things are getting way out of control and for some reason Normal Guy thinks that it is up to him to restore order, it is after all, His party and no-one is going to put a downer on things by blowing things up, breathing phosphorus, throwing mountains around and stuff like that.

Even though his efforts are fruitless because, between God and the Devil, the party is already super pooped Normal Guy assumes the authority of the guy that always holds the clipboard at the doorway to the most exclusive of parties and begins to push the Armies back, saying things like "your not coming in here with that laser" and "sorry no phosphorous breathing scorpions allowed" in his best John Cleese accent.

There is a brief pause in hostilities as the Gods are shocked at the audacity of Normal Guy who is getting quite annoyed that his noble effort to save the world is turning into something like the god head version of the Alamo. Normal Guy then quite literally puts himself between God and the Devil and Screams "Why cant we just have a fucking party, how come you guys have always got to go around blowing things up, demonstrating your creational prowess and shit like that, have a care for us men in the middle and let us aspire to be our own free people".

Again there is a pause in hostilities and just before Normal Guy is able to mistake this pause for anything other than shock at the cheek displayed there is a flash of light. When Normal Guy regains consciousness he quickly realises that he has become Damned Guy and has infact been zapped with some of the serious as fuck magic normally reserved for dashing countries to pieces and things of similar calibre.

Damned guy falls to his knees and screams as he realises that he is damned to eat reprocessed chicken and do pointless gardening for an eternity but its worse. Worse because not only is there now no party in a final effort to unite these opposites but the Armies are still there and now damned guy stands alone with only an idea that could save the universe.

What does damned guy do? Does he give up, allowing the increasingly unstoppable apocolypse to play out. Does he bow to God and the Devil, stepping out of their path and giving up on any idea to get in their way again. Ridiculously no, instead he dusts himself off and makes the last stand of human kind wearing only a white robe and a set of pink rabbit ears. Surely this will be death of me, thinks damned guy, but a passing Angel says "What is death but the moment you wake up from a dream".

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